"Wetin be birds & Bees??"

..And thats another thing....

We all have different stories about our parents giving us crash talks about "Getting to know the opposite sex" and "you might be wondering why your body is going through these changes.." . Well, ok... maybe not all of us. Some had to learn about the 'birds & the bees' either from Peers, religious establishments, or from man's long standing friend, Television. (although, it would seem that the Internet is about to take that title!)

So, back to "The Talk", Nigerian Style. Picture the scene, if you will: We are in Ibadan in the early 1990's, and my dad has assembled myself, my younger brother and a friend of mine who was staying with us at the time, to his presence. You could say that my dad is a bit of a dramatist. I guess he probably is. His face cleary portrays the emotions of the words he has to say. When he starts on a story, you are captivated by how he weaves the plots and characters and brings about a colour story in your mind. So, there we were, thinking that he was going to share some more stories for us. We were wrong.

"Now", my dad begins. He always starts with that adverb. And when he does, your last chance to go to the toilet or make yourself scarce becomes a luxury you do not indulge in until he finishes. And that is normally about 2 hours later. It would all depend on what he had to share. And he normally drawls out that "now" word. Not only that, he accentuates every word to reiterate the importance of each word, so that it would burn into your gumption and soul.
"Now, I want to give you some advice. This advice will hopefully see you through your young lives. You have now reached that age when you will be interested in the opposite sex. And that is natural. You would want to go out, and you might even bring them home so that your mother and I can see who you are with. Ah-ah!! This is just the way how things are"

Then his tone changes. "But, if I am sitting in the comfort of my chair, and I hear a 'knock-knock' on my front door and I see a woman with either an inflated stomach, or carrying a young baby: you, her, and whatever she is carrying, I don't want to see you again.. lai-lai!! . Ke ya jaade kuro ni ile mi!!" (Roughly translated: "You had better Gerrout of my house!!")

So, if you have kids that are reaching that age where they start to get curious about certain things, you could either chat with them and try to guide them on the right and narrow path. Or, if you really want them to have the fear of God put into them, then i can introduce you to my dad.